I suffer from chronic anxiety. Anxiety is very real and it took many years for me to be comfortable talking openly about my experiences. It is not a sin issue or a lack of faith issue. Anxiety is a very real condition.
I cannot adequately describe to you what it feels like to be in the midst of deep anxiety. It is paralyzing, consuming, exhausting, and frightening. Anxiety causes real physical pain that is hard to explain. Anxiety produces confusion and deep depression that leads to loneliness and hurt.
For many years, I asked God why. I was so selfish and blind that I couldn’t see past what was happening in that exact moment. I was hurt, and I was stuck. It was like being put in a dark room and being told to find the light switch. But, out of the darkness, God rescued me and turned my hurt into hope, and my emotional scars into joy. He loved me and pursued me relentlessly and retrospectively it was beautiful.
Through my paralyzing anxiety and my deep depression, God gave me hope and peace. Here are three important lessons I learned from my anxiety.
1. God is not absent in our weakness.
When you struggle with anxiety it is nearly impossible to not feel lonely and abandoned. Well meaning friends come and go because they don’t understand. Often times, issues like these are also dismissed in the church. Sometimes they are even shamed in “Christian” circles and places of worship. When you suffer from anxiety it is very easy to feel like you have no one that understands you or what you go through.
Psalm 94:18-19 When I thought, “my foot slips,” your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up. When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.
When we are weak, God shows how powerful and strong he is. God is not absent in our weakness or struggle. He is very present.
2. Struggle leads to deeper joy.
Life isn’t easy. We are promised a rough ride. There are always going to be difficult moments, difficult days, and difficult chapters in our lives. However, if our lives were easy and simple, we would rarely feel we need to trust in him.
I know what it’s like to be broken. I know what it’s like to be lonely. God has brought me through some really dark times. Having gone through that, it has made me appreciate good days. You must fight through some really horrible days to find true joy.
Through all the high points and into the deep dark times, I have learned that God is always good. (Jesus wins!) He is the source of true joy, compassion, and love. Rejoice in him regardless of the situation and choose joy.
…”Rejoicing in the Lord happens while we struggle in the now. Struggling and rejoicing are not two chronological steps, one following the other, but two concurrent movements, one fluid with the other. As cold can move you closer to the fire, struggling can move you deeper toward God, who warms you with joy. Struggling can deepen joy.” (Amy Voskamp)
3. I get by with a little help from my friends
Christianity, the way I believe Christ intended it, was never meant to be lived alone. Unfortunately, anxiety has become a quiet issue. It has deep roots in our hearts, but we rarely feel comfortable talking about it. We don’t want to look like a bad christian, so we just don’t talk about it. We hide it and suffer in silence.
When we feel free to let the light shine on our own darkness, the darkness cannot grow. When we finally let our walls down healing can begin. When we finally forgive ourselves, is when we finally start to grow.
The bible urges us over and over to pray together, break bread together, to encourage and serve one another in love, because we were never meant to do this alone.
Ultimately, I feel very grateful for my struggle, even if it is difficult at times. God uses my struggle to mold who I am as a person. If I had not gone through those dark times, then I would not have found my strength. In my weakness, he is strong.
Kourt