What Depression Looks Like

The world doesn’t want to talk about depression.

But, I am here to talk about it.

Everyone has their own idea of what someone suffering from depression looks like. I think we sometimes assume that people who are depressed are sleeping in bed all day and are loners. Sometimes we think of introverted people as the ones most likely to be depressed. We assume that those who have depression are the ones that are super emotional and cry all the time. The classic underachiever both at school and work are clearly the ones that suffer right?

Well, maybe.

Depression looks differently in different people. It can affect every personality and effects everyone in different ways. For some people, it can look like the above mentioned behaviors. I have suffered with depression for a very long time. I have definitely had my fair share of days of visible depression…low-energy, emotional, etc. However at most times, and especially at my lowest points, I visibly looked very different. I loved to laugh. I always had a smile on my face. I was an over-achiever and hard worker. I play pranks and gave lots and lots of hugs.

My depression has mostly been considered “high-functioning.” Meaning that you could not tell by looking at me that I was suffering at all. No one really knew I suffered unless I opened up about it which I rarely did. For the majority of the time I have struggled with depression, my illness has been invisible.

In the last 10 years I have completed my bachelors and masters degrees. I held two full-time jobs…one in which I had considerable amounts of responsibility. I actually finished my masters degree while working full-time. I coached many soccer teams on many levels all the way from u9 to college. I spent two months in India and even co-lead a team to Zambia for one month. I have laughed and made amazing memories with friends and family. If I would not have said anything, no one would have really known how significantly I was suffering. That is not the fault of anyone around me. I have always had an extremely and strong supporting cast around me. I simply did not ask for help.

I want to challenge our way of thinking. No one should have to suffer alone. If we see a friend trying to carry books while using crutches we would certainly help them. We wouldn’t crutch for them, but we would just lighten the load and walk alongside of them for a little bit until they could take their books back. Depression and anxiety are similar. We don’t need people to fix us. We just need people to come alongside us from time to time and help with our books. Sometimes the loudest voice in the crowd is the one who is actually crying out for help. Certainly not all the time, but that was 100% the case in my life. Just because we can’t see visible signs of an illness, does not make it fake or made up.

I want to share some pictures of my life from the times that I consider to be some of my lowest. All of these pictures were taken in times that I was struggling. Yes, depression can look like eeyore…but it can also look like tigger.

Check in on those you love. Be good humans. If you suffer in silence with any invisible illnesses please reach out to someone in your life. This life was not meant to be lived alone.

Koko

PS. Shout out to all those who have helped me with my load in the times that I needed a little extra help. My family has been instrumental in my life well lived. My small circle has carried me through very tough times.