Little cub will be going home soon.
The goal of foster care is reunification and while his case started off really hard, I am happy that he will go home with his mom and siblings.. We aren’t exactly sure the time frame, but we know it is coming. The previous five children who have left our home have left very quickly. Less than a few hours each time. Hours that were sometimes filled with hurt, anxiety, and were some of the hardest I have experienced.
This time around, we have the opportunity to prepare ourselves. I have never felt more comfortable with a child leaving, even though my feelings are not a factor in anything. I will miss his smile, his laughter, and his little mischievous ways. However, he belongs at home.
Our attention will then shift completely to little man. His case has gone in a completely different direction. We have been in a waiting period for just short of two months now, but last Monday, we received the news we had been greatly anticipating.
Twenty-four days from today (July 8th, 2019) is a huge day. It is the next step in little man’s journey. For a few completely peaceful minutes a day I am comfortable with where we stand. I am confident in professionals who have been entrusted with his long term well-being and I am comfortable with letting the last eight months tell it’s own story. However, for the majority of the 1440 minutes that make up a day, I am anxious.
There is literally nothing more I can do to change the situation. I have to trust that what is best for little man will happen even if that is not what I want. It is not about Ryan and Kourtney. It is about little man completely and totally. I make a huge effort to not let me anxiety take away from the joy in our normal day-to-day. It is not always easy, but as I truly believe…that little boy is oh so worth it. I have to choose to stay positive and calm.
Foster care is confusing…hard…amazing…frustrating…and beautiful.
While one little boy is about to leave to go to his birth family, the other little boy’s life could potentially be changed forever. One birth family will be exuberant. One birth family could be devastated. Ryan and I are caught somewhere in the middle.
I have learned so much from this journey. I have learned that I am strong. I have learned to be compassionate. I have learned to advocate for others.
I have also discovered that I am relentless. When things get hard and difficult tears may come, but at some point koko is going to get up and keep fighting for the humans I hold most dear.
I mess up. I have hurt people. I do dumb things. Sometimes my passions misguide me. However, foster care has taught me that I love relentlessly.
I have so much to learn about being a good mom, wife, daughter, friend, and human. There will again be valleys on my journey. But, I will survive.
Loving people is hard but it is worth it.
koko