When people find out we are foster parents we get a ton of questions. I don’t mind the questions at all. I’m used to it and I like to debunk common misconceptions about our world. There are two really common responses or comments that we hear.
1. “I could never do what you do, I would get too attached.”
It isn’t easy when kids leave even if they are going to a great situation. When you bring kids into your home, you also bring them into your life and into your family. It is hard to “undo” that and honestly, I wouldn’t want to try.
The kids that come into our home don’t typically come with much, but they do come with baggage in the form of trauma. Trauma is real. Trauma is hard. I could probably write a book about the things I have witnessed and worked through with just the few kids we have had in our home. Trauma absolutely alters the way you parent.
Somehow though, through all of the really hard things, there are really good days. The good far outweighs the bad. The lessons are more valuable learned than not. The smiles and giggles outweigh the tears and anxiety. I get attached. If I didn’t get attached then I wouldn’t value the good. It would be too hard if I didn’t get attached.
All kids deserve to be loved and cared for regardless if they are in care or not. It is my job to get too attached. Yes, it is hard and sometimes devastating when they leave. However, at some point you realize you love them so much you are willing to let them go.
2. “You guys are really good people.”
I am flattered by the comment. I am grateful someone would be encouraging in that way. But, it isn’t true.
Foster parents aren’t “really good people.” We aren’t super heroes or anything else you can think of. We are just people. We get angry. We get anxious. We have fears. We cry. We get overwhelmed. We forget to put the trash out on trash night. We sleep through the alarm.
We are normal people that simply said yes. Ryan and I have had interesting experiences in foster care. Some pain but also a ton of joy. We will one day soon be paper parents because we said yes. We could have missed out on all of the joy. The only thing that makes us different is we said yes. The kids are the absolute real superheroes. Not us
Shameless plug time. Foster care is not for everyone. It isn’t an easy life. However, caring for these kids (and birth families) is a responsibility we all share. There are foster kids/families in every state of the union. Meaning everyone can do something. There are thousands and thousands of kids in care. Some are waiting for a forever home. Some need a safe and supportive home until they can go back to bio family.
I did not write the following, but I echo it’s message.
If you can’t ADOPT, then FOSTER. If you can’t do that SPONSOR. If you can’t do that VOLUNTEER. If you can’t do that DONATE. If you can’t do that then EDUCATE.
Everyone can do something. If you want to help, please ask. I have foster friends all over Iowa and many all over the country. If you want to help, I will connect you with ways to do so. Please consider doing whatever you can. We aren’t superheroes or saints. We are normal people like you. We just said yes.
Koko
