Patience: The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.
I am many things. A patient person is not one of them. I use DVR just so I can skip commercials. I use Amazon prime for faster delivery. When baking, I always bake one minute less than recommended. Why? Because I have no patience.
Waiting is hard. Being my super grown up and super mature self, I’ve learned to “fake it till I make it” so to speak. I’ve learned to mask it. However, when things really matter I still crack and my lack of patience shows.
We are still waiting for our finalization date to make little man our legal and forever son. There is very little standing between today and that day. It is hard to understand why, but we still have to wait.
I cannot begin to express how much we are looking forward to that day when the dotted line is signed and the gavel hits. It will mark the joyous ending to a saga I was not expecting to experience nearly 11 months ago.
For Ryan and I, that day will be the most special and life changing day we will ever experience other than the day we were wed. We will finally be legal parents. We will finally be a legal family.
Our family and close friends have carried this heavy load with us. They have loved ALL of our kids and have been there for all of Little man’s firsts. They have laughed, cried, celebrated, and mourned right along with us. That day will be a victory for them as well.
Then there is the little man himself. The little boy that is so worth the wait. Worth all the tears, anxiety, sleepless nights, and honest fear the last nearly 11 months have brought. That day will be the most important day of his life. He will no longer be in the system with all that entails. He will no longer be known by a number, but as a boy with a new name. He will be a son and grandson and great grandson for life. He will finally and legally be stuck with us forever.
It is hard to wait for that day. I don’t have any special words or phrases that will tell you that waiting is fun or easy, because it’s not. I don’t have a magic recipe to make it all better, because I don’t.
What I can suggest and mainly remind myself is something I say very often and wear every day. Jesus wins. I don’t have anything else to offer in this season of our story.
Today, I cling to truth and say Jesus wins with relentless hope that one day I will be able to tell my son his story. I will be able to tell him about the long nights as a newborn when I had no idea what I was doing. I will be able to tell him about all of the nights I was so anxious he would leave that I would hold him well into the morning hours. I will tell him about the all of the anxious times we went to court and his path was decided. I can’t wait to tell my son that the wait was worth it.
I’m not a patient person and may never be. But, maybe the waiting journey makes it sweeter in the end.
Maybe there is a reason for the wait that will all make sense one day. Perhaps God’s plan really is better than my own. Perhaps hope is stronger than patience.
Jesus wins.
Almost mama Koko
