One year ago today, our hearts were shattered.
Our little twins, whom we loved dearly, left our home with very little notice. We viewed them as our children. They were family. It was painful when they left. It was gut wrenching. I felt as if I couldn’t catch my breath for weeks. It has been hard and at times exhausting.
Over the past year, we have tried our best to pick up the pieces of our hearts and move on with life. I have learned so much about life and love in the last 365 days. Here are my top four lessons from my year with broken heart.
- Give yourself permission to be present in the pain. Acknowledge your pain and don’t try to run away from it. There is power in the present. You can control right now. Know that pain is hard, but don’t run from it. If you face the pain head on, you will be able to truly heal.
- Allow pain to be your teacher. Grief, loss, unrealized dreams, failed expectations…they give us the privilege to see the world, and people, differently. It’s a privilege we don’t enjoy at first. It is tricky to work through life with the lens of a broken heart, but pain teaches us compassion and how to love in ways we can’t unless we come from a repaired heart.
- Learn how to carry both sorrow AND joy. What has freed me the most is coming to know that they can coexist. The depths of your pain will also allow new depths of joy to be born. It’s okay to be both devastated and full of joy. Don’t be afraid to feel that.
- Let yourself feel and be loved again.. It’s okay to feel angry. It’s okay to feel sad or feel nothing at all. I felt betrayed by my own heart. I didn’t want to let people in. I closed myself off in fear of getting hurt again. But when you shut down to fend off the bad, you shut out the good too. Let life hug you. Let those around you in.
Broken can be fixed, but not erased. The pieces of my heart will never be able to go back into place in the exact same way that they were before, but they aren’t supposed to. We heal and grow through the tough stuff.
In the last year, we have brought three little boys home and watched little man grow. I have been able to love those boys differently because I had my heart broken. While I didn’t like the pain, I am grateful for the lessons that it brought. I desperately miss all the children who have left our home, especially the twins, but I am stronger having gone through that pain.
Grief and pain are hard, but they are going to happen. That is life. That is how we grow. Embrace it and truly live.
Koko
