For some reason when you look at me you think my YES makes me perfect, but it doesn’t. I break like you; I process the hard just like you. With each new YES I know one day another good-bye will probably come.
My social media doesn’t always show you what this journey is like because I want to honor your story, your journey, what your YES looks like.
Our journey has been a lot of living in the valley. When you say YES you’re willing to walk through the hard and the whisper of your failures will sneak in.
I have not always shown grace to the people working in the system. I have been frustrated and angry.
I’ve cried myself to sleep some nights. Carrying the burden of little humans stories is sometimes overwhelming. The trauma can sometimes make you lose your way for a few minutes.
You think my YES makes me perfect but my YES just says I’ll be present. In the good, the bad, and the in between.
You think that my YES is something I can turn on or off or that it’s a choice. It’s a calling and the plan for my life.
You think that the timeline of my YES and their forever after is quick and painless but it isn’t. It’s living in the unknown. The moments of wondering will this be your last hug goodnight or the last time I rock them to sleep.
You think because I get paid I’m making money off my YES. I try to balance the life I once knew and my now. My days are sometimes filled with calls from the state, visits, and my mental health of carrying them. My worries are filled with child’s best interest and not of my own family.
You think that my YES is actually heard by them. They ask us to care for them like they are our own kids. They ask you to advocate for what’s best for them, constantly feeling beat up and broken in the process.
You think my YES is perfect but it’s not. I’m not.
My YES is being willing to break day after day. My YES is dismantling the misconception of needing to be perfect instead of present.
My YES is a reminder to you that each YES is a moment to love like HE loved. To live a life that is for others. To make life count and not just last.
Koko
