I woke up today with a slight heaviness on my heart. I can’t quite put my finger on what exactly it is I’m worried about….everything I guess. It’s not super uncommon though.
Foster parents spend so much time in a constant state of fear and anxiety. Foster care is beautiful and redeeming, but it is rooted in brokenness and trauma…if you do it well it is impossible to escape unscathed. We take on the burden as our own. We climb into the trenches, steep ourselves in the brokenness, because that is what love does.
We are nearing important things with pup. It has been a long journey. I have so many feelings right now. I am anxious. I am nervous. I am excited. I am ready. Yet, a part of me is at peace. But, it is so much all at once. Sometimes it feels like the world on our shoulders.
It’s not our job to save anyone from anything….but to love them through it and be there with them while they wade through it all. It’s unnatural and painful. Our hearts aren’t made for this because kids were never meant to carry adult sized burdens. Even newborns carry loss. Even toddlers experience hurt and trauma.
Friends, foster care is a lot to unpack. A lot to process. A lot to heal from. For our kids. For their families. But, also for us. Our hearts have been shattered many times. We have seen horrible things that hurt.
Overall, I honestly am thankful for the tears and hard days we have experienced the last 2.5 years in foster care. I’m thankful for the gut punching moments in court and in the hard moments that don’t make instagram. I’m thankful for them because those moments make the joy so much deeper.
With deep joy,
Koko