**This was written 11/14/2019. Ryan and I were in the midst of one of the hardest years of our lives from start to finish. I had not yet earned the title of “mom.” We had not yet felt the joy of adoption…and this time last year I didn’t think it was possible. November is national adoption month. This entire month we get to spotlight the beauty that is adoption. It is also worth sharing a glimpse into the rollercoaster ride of emotions that foster care and adoption can bring you on.
When the title of “mom” is prefaced by a word like “foster” it’s easy to know that the future holds no guarantees.
When your path to parenthood is paved with court dates and ever changing state policy, you are very aware that your home may be temporary.
When you sign up to be a foster parent or a potential adoptive parent, you know that your rights are limited.
You know that children belong to their biological family whenever possible, so you do what you can to keep an open mind and support the case deemed best by the powers that be.
But this weird thing happens when you become a mom, it just doesn’t matter what qualifiers or words come first.
Before you know works like “foster” fall away and you love that kid like your own-because on your end, the love is as natural and real as with other family.
You fight for what you think is right, but in the end-its really not about you. Kids get moved. Families get their life on track. There is redemption. There are happy endings with both reunification and adoption.
You also know that kids are placed in horrible situations every day, and there isn’t enough protection in our system for these vulnerable children. But, you are “just” a foster mom, and your say in these matters is minimal.
So, you carry your memories and what ifs and your broken dreams for their future.
You fear the worst, and hope for the best.
You pray for them.
You cry silently in your pillow because it’s all just too hard.
You know that you would do it all over again, because that kid deserves a home. They deserve someone fighting for them. They are worth the pain and the tears and the unknowns.
There is so much redemption and hope to be found here, but there is also so much pain. So, much joy…but also so much pain.
We have to carry on.
Koko