Do you ever feel like your emotions are snowballing?
Like you are eventually going to erupt?
Not in anger, but just in anxiety?
Uncontrollable tears.
As I sat last night on my bed I was overcome with anxiety and the tears just fell. For someone who can usually keep it together in every situation, I was a ball of emotions.
I think it is a compilation of covid, work, foster care, and just life in general that has finally all hit at once.
I’m not quite sure how to manage it. I’m usually the one very much in control. Holding it all together. Stabilizing everyone else’s emotions. Sometimes though, I hit this point where it all seems to come spiraling out.
I’m there.
I’ve hit it.
I let the dam finally break, and I literally couldn’t stop it.
And it sucks.
I’m here to encourage you that you can’t hold it all in either. Lack of emotions does not equate to more strength. You can’t hold the weight of the world within you and expect it not to break through at some point.
Vulnerability is not my strong point. I get super awkward when people cry or show big emotions.
So as I reached out to some friends last night who can relate to the foster care struggle, they responded with a simple “thanks for telling us” because they know I am not one to show my weaknesses.
I feel like there are many of you who are like me.
I want you to know it is ok not to be strong sometimes.
It is ok to allow yourself to feel raw emotions sometimes
It is ok to lean on other people. That is truly one of the main reasons we have gone this far in foster care. Our community.
Community is so important both in life and specifically in foster care and adoption. Having people to walk through the best and worst times of life parallel with us has been the difference in our journey. Our people have celebrated with us and cheered us on. They have also held up the walls of our home when we grieve and are overcome with the system.
Today I need those people again. The days leading up to big things are hard. The wait. The anxiety. The uncertainty. Today we take a deep breath and lean into our community-our herd.
Little pup is so worth the wait. All of this is worth it for his future. All of this is so there will never be a day that he doesn’t know he is loved.
Koko