Foster care is weird. It brings on roller coaster emotions that can change in an instant. I’m “used” to it, but how is anyone ever really “used” to it? I have realized that what I mean when I say I am “used” to it is that I have grown accustomed to suppressing the big emotions. Keeping a game face on in the highest highs and the depths of the lows. I think I do this to protect my children, my family, and my own heart.
Today, our little pup may have seen his birth mother for the last time ever. It was definitely the last time as his only mom. Emotions are overwhelming. For our family, this was a day we have been waiting for. Not negative against his mom, but positive for him. I believe in fighting for what is best for pup. I believe that he deserves permanency.
For his first mom, this day was probably really devastating. My heart aches for her. I love little pup so much and I can’t imagine being away from him for just one day. I can’t imagine life without his little giggles or sky blue eyes. My heart hurts knowing she will have to do that.
My heart also is heavy for pup. He isn’t aware that today was a big day in his life. He is still so young. Today will just be something we tell him about one day. That is good and bad. I don’t want him to feel any shame because of today. I don’t want him to ever feel hurt or sadness and this is something I can’t protect him from. Pup was born into a world of chaos, but I want him to always know that the beginning of the journey doesn’t define it.
There is still a long way to go on our journey. Today had to happen, even if it was bittersweet. We love pup more than words could ever describe. We have watched him grow and have been able to love him all but five days of his life. We watched him go from a tiny six pound baby to a silly toddler. We were there for the first time he rolled over, his first steps, and his first words. We put him to bed each night and never waste an opportunity to tell him we love him. Tripp and pup are the best of friends.
I hope the story ends with pup as a Murphy.
Koko