I try not to get emotional.
I try not to get my hopes up.
But really, I’m just human.
Each time I get an email from his case worker or his lawyer, I get a boost of energy. Maybe this is the information we needed. Maybe this email contains the next piece of the puzzle. I try not to get my hopes up, but again…I’m human. Getting caught up in “what if” is a dangerous place to be.
I know that.
But I am the one who believes too often that people will follow through with what they say they will do or that the system is built to actually protect him.
I believe people will finally look at a child and see what is best for HIM, instead of creating ever-changing policies that only further debilitate or delay his future.
I always think that his case will finally get on track.
We aren’t pessimists, but getting your hopes up in any direction when it comes to foster care is dangerous.
We’ve had too many broken promises, too many missed deadlines by other people which stalled out forward progress, and too many times a lack of help.
Every next hurdle his case gets passed is a great feeling. However, with each passing step comes more waiting.
Always waiting.
I HATE WAITING.
I am probably one of the most impatient people you could ever meet. I’m working on it. I’m learning that it’s not how long we wait but how we wait that matters. There is purpose to my waiting. It is not easy. At all.
So I’m posting this to remind myself to take it one day at a time. To find joy in today while we hope for tomorrow.
Adjust my expectations of what “the system” is capable of doing.
Adjust my own attitude.
Focus on each day.
Control the pieces of my daily life I can control.
Enjoy the time and place our family is currently experiencing.
And don’t long for something different right now because it is not achievable and will only leave me frustrated.
He is worth the wait. Our forever as a family of four is worth the wait.
Koko