When I was 18, I spent the summer in Dehli, India with a group of 17 strangers. It was amazing, brutal, tough,and beautiful in so many ways. That summer was by far one of the hardest things I have ever gone through physically, mentally, and emotionally. Those 17 strangers became family. Together we lived life day in and day out for the entire summer.
Our large team separated into three smaller ones. I belonged to the Asha mission team. Asha mission was made up of two guys and three girls from all different walks of life and areas of the country. At times, the five of us were a bit dysfunctional, but we all created a deep bond for each other.
Twice a week we spent our days at the Lajpat Nagar Leper Colony. India is a very patriarchal society. Women and men don’t typically interact unless they are related. All of us girls got very used to lowering our eyes to men and only speaking in public to men when we were spoken to first. The two guys on our team spent their days with the men of the colony. Sometimes they would jump in and do whatever the men were doing. Some days that was bricklaying and sometimes it was laying cement. Other days it was hauling things. We spoke no Hindi and the men spoke little English, so sometimes how we communicated was interesting.
The three of us girls were not socially allowed to do any of that. So, we gravitated to the children and women. I remember the first day all five of us walked into the colony for the first time. I was not sure what to do. I have incredible anxiety in new situations and about 50 people gathered near the gate to welcome us. Andrew and Steven went off with the men to a ceremony of some sort. Hannah, Laura, and I made our way down the first row of homes…which were really just one room huts with dirt floors.
There were women and children everywhere. Hannah was drawn to some young women who were washing clothes. Without hesitation Hannah picked up some clothes and copied the motion the women were doing. Both sides burst out into laughter and tried to communicate with one another. Laura ran off with all the kids. With kids, you don’t always need to speak the same language. Before you know it, she had 30 kids playing duck duck goose.
That first day, I was more reserved. I kept walking down the path doing the traditional greeting to everyone I met. I found myself at the end of the path by the last home. I was turning around to go back to my American friends when I heard, “hello, please come in!” I heard English and turned around as fast as I could. A beautiful woman came out of her little home and invited me, in English, to come into her house. Little did I know that I would be walking into a place that would become a home to me. That was the day I met my friend Sunita.
For the next 10 weeks, every time we visited Lajpat Nagar, I headed straight to Sunita’s house. Over time, I realized the traditional greetings and formalities were thrown out the window. I would run down to her home and plop down on her bed. She was usually finishing washing her clothes so I would help to hang them. Sunita quickly became a friend and soon we had a deep bond.
We would talk about everything. We talked about what the USA is like and I asked her questions about India. We talked about my family and I even brought her pictures one day. Sunita taught me to cook some Indian dishes and how to make traditional chai tea. A few weeks in, I realized that I never asked Sunita how she spoke English so well. She almost laughed at the question.
Honestly, it should have been one of the first questions I asked. She did live in a leper colony afterall. In India, people who live in leper colonies don’t always have leprosy. Someone in their extended family may have leprosy and the government forces the entire extended family to live within the gated walls of these communities. They are told it is to stop the spread of leprosy, but that is not the case. These people are labeled as “untouchables” in their society. They are outcasts. They struggle finding work and their children mostly are not able to get an education. Most of them do not have leprosy. In fact, I only met one person who had the disease my entire time in India. The people in these colonies are often the poorest of the poor. They don’t have much access to things we take for granted like doctors, reliable electricity, books, schools, transportation, etc. So, for Sunita to be so educated and speak English was almost unheard of.
My friend Sunita told me about her life one day over a cup of chai tea. Sunita was born into a family of privilege. Her parents had wealth and power. She had four siblings and each of them were sent to the West for education. Sunita spent three years in an English speaking boarding school. While she was there, she was the top in her class. She returned to India to study for the University exams.She had chosen to go to medical school. Sunita’s parents were Hindu’s and she was raised devout. They were extremely proud of her accomplishments.
While she was home waiting for exams, Sunita would often meet some friends and go to market together. One day her friends were running late. It was really hot that day so she decided to buy a fruit while she waited. She picked out the fruit and while she was waiting to pay for it, she met Ramlal for the first time. Long story short, Ramlal and Sunita would fall in love. Ramlal came from a lower caste as Sunita’s family, plus Sunita was going to be arranged after medical school. After time, Ramlal and Sunita would meet Christian missionaries and convert to Christianity. Ramlal proposed to Sunita. Sunita was well aware that her parents would disown her and she would forfeit her family money if she married Ramlal. She chose love.
A year into their marriage, Ramlal had to move his new bride to Lajpat Nagar leper colony. Sunita could have gotten super angry and left Ramlal. She gave up a fortune, a title, marriage, university training, and so much more for Ramlal. I don’t think she ever regretted that choice. Instead of being angry, Sunita used her highly sought after education to teach the children in her community how to read and write. I even saw her teaching older kids algebra one time. She told me she believed that God gave her a life of privilege on purpose so she would be educated then sent her to these children to change their lives. Maybe one day knowing how to read, write, and speak English could change their lives. Sunita did this selfishly and without hesitation.
Sunita did those things all while living with them. Her home has dirt floors and she doesn’t have running water. Her husband struggles to find work because of their status so they live on very little. Yet, Sunita chooses to find joy in her today and help those kids and young adults around her to have a better life.
Sunita changed my life in so many ways. The day she told me her story, she taught me about how your attitude can affect your life. She taught me that no one is above serving others. She taught me that a life well lived is one that is focused on others and not yourself. She taught me how to find joy even when you feel rejected, wronged, and hurt. She taught me how to make really good chai tea.
She taught me so much. Those stories are for another day.
I miss Sunita and think about her often even after all these years.
Koko
