Life lately has been heavy. Actually it’s been quite the roller coaster. It’s funny how life can sometimes feel like it happens all at once. You can walk through the valley and reach the mountaintop in the same week…sometimes in the same day. Life is crazy like that.
Life is heavy when you let people down. I would argue though, that it’s heaviest when you let yourself down. Even the rejection and hurt inflicted by others is no match for the stress and disappointment I can inflict on myself. I am my worst and most harsh critic.
I have had extra time lately to reflect on the past. I’ve thought about all the major things that have happened that have shaped me into who I am today. I’ve thought a ton about my growing up years, the awkward college years, and a ton about my grandma. I miss her. I have been thinking about all the lessons I’ve learned along the way whether on the back of a rickshaw in India, sitting in a church pew, or learning through my own mistakes.
I’ve thought a ton about who I used to be and who I am today. I am not perfect, but I am proud of how far I have come. Many years ago, I wasn’t proud of who I am. I wasn’t proud of the things I had done and I certainly wasn’t my own biggest fan. I wasn’t a good friend because I had no sense of self worth.
I’ve learned in my life that you can’t truly love others more than you love yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup. This season of life is about filling my cup and learning to love myself again. I have made mistakes, but there is forgiveness. My soul needs rest. My soul needs healing and that is okay! In order to be the best mom and wife and human possible, I need to fill my own cup. This season of my life is about healing and finding peace, allowing my soul to rest and loving myself again. This season is about remembering how loved I am.
If you find yourself in a similar season of life, know you aren’t alone. Reach out if you need a friend. Talk about how you are feeling. Process, vent, be quiet when needed. Rest. None of those are selfish things to do. Remember you are loved and you will get through this season.
Koko
