John 13:34-35 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. 35 By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
In John 13, Jesus gathers with his disciples in the upper room, having just washed their feet. He then predicts the impending betrayal by one of them. These were the final hours before the events leading to his death, which Jesus had predicted to his followers on many occasions. However, in this moment, he spoke of the end in the present tense. It was no longer something that would happen in the future, it was an imminent reality.
The use of the word “new” in verse 34 has always been interesting to me. The importance of being loving was emphasized all throughout the bible, even in the Old Testament. The key seems to be in the second half of the verse, where Jesus states, “Just as I have loved you” – suggesting that the “new” commandment he refers to is the call to love one another in the same way he has loved his followers.
In that pivotal moment, Jesus redefined the way we measure love. The new standard is no longer how we feel about ourselves, but rather how Jesus loves us.
So, we have to ask the question…how does Jesus love us? There are hundreds of ways that can probably be answered, but I think it all boils down to this: Cultural love is counterfeit and the way Jesus loved us was Christ like. So…what is the difference?
Counterfeit love is selfish, Christlike love is selfless. (Matthew 20-26-27)
Love, by definition, is focused on the object of affection. Selfish love is just focused on yourself. If your love for others at the root is about you, that love is not Christ- like. Loving others is never us, ever.
Counterfeit love is transactional. Christ like love is unilateral. (Romans 5:6-8)
Counterfeit love is conditional – it only cares about what others can do for you. In contrast, Romans tells us that while we were spiritually dead in our sin, Christ loved us unconditionally. We had nothing to offer in return, yet Christ unilaterally gave himself up for us.
Jesus said that we should love others as he did. He showed his love for us through his sacrifice on the cross.
Christ like love says:
If it means I watch your kids and you never watch mine…it’s fine.
If it means I ask you how work is going and you don’t even know where I work…it’s fine.
If it means I always reach out first…it’s fine.
If it means if I give and give and give…it’s fine.
Christlike love does not keep score. Christlike love is completely unilateral.
Counterfeit love is guarded, christlike love is open. (phil 2:7-8)
Vulnerability is difficult, as we have all experienced hurt from others. Yet, Christ willingly embraced vulnerability on our behalf. In a culture that emphasizes protecting yourself at all costs, Christ consistently opens himself up to each of us. Vulnerability is hard and scary, but to never be seen is to never truly be loved in the first place. While showing the hard parts of you to others can be painful, the comfort lies in the knowledge of being seen and accepted.
Counterfeit love coddles, christlike love confronts. (eph 4:14-16)
Our culture currently tells us that love cannot disagree. What a lie. Love can disagree.
Some of the most loving actions my friends have taken is to gently point out areas where I can grow. Being willing to receive constructive feedback from those who care about you is an important part of that process. If no one in your life is willing to confront you in a loving way when you need it, you may never grow. Iron sharpens iron, right?
I probably could list a ton more differences between counterfeit love and Christlike love, but I think those are the ones I will stick with. I know I have failed at loving people with Christ like love so many times. I have been selfish, and I have hidden from others at times. I want to take this as a challenge to approach my relationships in these ways.
What would the Church….or even the world be like if we all loved each other with Christ like love?
(Disclaimer: This was one of those times, I just had to keep my fingers moving and the words came. It was interesting to read them back. I think this was definitely something I needed to read for myself. I hope it can be helpful to you too.)