I am not a huge fan of New Year’s resolutions. I’ve never had one and I don’t ever plan to. If you do, that is great.
Many years ago, I spent New Years with a friend in Salt Lake City. We had spent a whole summer together on the other side of the world and it was so awesome to spend New Years eve together. That year, my friend and her family included me in all of the festivities. Part of that was praying into the New Year and asking God for a word or direction he may be leading. It all sounded super “churchy” to me, even though I can speak Christianese really well. It turned out to be a really cool experience and ever since then I do take some intentional time to continue praying into the New Year. Trust me it is not as weird as it sounds.
At the end of last year, I prayed into 2024. I remember the word “pieces” coming up alot in my prayers in December of 2023. I was so confused. Looking back a year later though, that is a pretty good way to describe my 2024. If you have read any of my previous posts, you can probably sense the trend of looking back. Much of my 2024 has been looking back at the pieces that make me who I am. It was not what I had intended to do with my year and there were significant hills and valleys along the way, but I am learning through everything.
Growing up, in my own family and my extended family, sitting at the head of the table at meals was a big deal. My dad exclusively sat at the head of our table and no one else ever did, even if he wasn’t home. In my extended family, that seat was reserved for my grandmother. The head of the table, symbolically has authority, power, and honor over the others sitting at the table. Whoever sits at the head of the table has significance over the rest of the table. The head of the table can control what happens at the table.
I really like the image of a table. Mostly because I love sitting at tables with people. My own family eats around the dinner table every night and that is so important to me. I love sitting around a table and sharing stories or playing cards. I would trade almost any other activity with friends with sitting around a table and just enjoying life together. Around tables is where a lot of life and learning takes place. I think we all have a table in our hearts and minds too.
Just like at the tables in our dining rooms, there is a head seat at the table along with all the other seats. Over time in our lives, those seats get filled up. Sometimes, the things that occupy our tables are beautiful things, like our families and friends. Sometimes, not so good things occupy the table too. Things we carry with us that affect the whole table. Sometimes, those things sneak their way into the seat at the head of the table.
I think it is important to consider what is sitting at the head of the table, because that is what controls your thinking and occupies the most of your being. I think for me, and many people, our past has occupied not only a seat at the table, but it is at the head of the table.
The hard things that happened to you. The mistakes you made. The person who walked away from you. The job you didn’t get. The yes that never came. Maybe it was that one moment that turned your whole world upside down. Maybe it was words spoken to you a few weeks ago, or a few years ago, or even decades ago. When those things sit at the head of your table, they dominate your mind and lead you down really dark paths and you can easily get stuck there. Even though that hard thing happened to you forever ago, it dictates how you feel about yourself today.
That causes you to walk into conversations, relationships, opportunities, and experiences and feel like because of what sits at the head of your table, you are limited in all of those things and your past can steer everything about your future.
As I’ve been praying and thinking about this, I have consistently come to the conclusion that we have to go back in order to go forward. Which, if I am honest, seems super counter productive. Why would I go back and risk being stuck there…again?
Isaiah 43 has repeatedly been brought to my attention as I sit with these thoughts.
Isaiah 43:16-19 Thus says the Lord, who makes a way in the sea, a path in the mighty waters, 17 who brings forth chariot and horse, army and warrior; they lie down, they cannot rise they are extinguished, quenched like a wick. 18 Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
Isaiah was prophesying, and through these words, I think God was telling us exactly how we get past our past and forgive the things we can’t forget. In verses 16 and 17, God is reminding his people what he brought them through. He literally parted waters to save them and showed his power and might to them over and over again. Those verses are God reminding his people of their story.
He then gives us a promise in 19, “Behold I am doing a new thing.” He is saying that the reason we can trust him is because of everything he has already brought us through.
I think God understands our hurt and understands why we allow those things to sit at the head of our table. I don’t think he is saying to literally forget them. He won’t give us amnesia tomorrow (probably..) or miraculously go back and change what happened. But he is saying…don’t stay there. He is saying, I will go back with you, but we aren’t staying there. We aren’t going to dwell on this anymore. Those things are going to have to move further down your table. He is saying that we are going to go back and remember all the ways he has brought us through.
Those things happened and they left scars and we will always remember them, but they no longer have to dictate your future, because God promised us he is doing a new thing. God wants us to move past it. Not to forget, that is impossible, but he wants us to move forward without allowing the past to hold such a dominating space at our table. He is saying it is a possibility for our lives, and that gives me so much hope. Through Christ alone we can move forward.
But, how? How do you go back? How do you do that without getting stuck there? I personally don’t want to go back. It’s painful and it was hard. I think the answer to that is at the end of verse 19, “now it springs forth, do you not see it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” He promises us he will make a way. We move forward by remembering our past and how God didn’t leave us there. We have to be willing to see the goodness of God in our lives in order to move forward. He will always make a way.
This isn’t easy and it isn’t an instant fix. I think this is a process that I am currently in and I will continue to be in. It’s a long journey. I am hopeful that he is making something new and those are the words I have been given for 2025. I don’t know exactly what it means or what that will look like, but I know that God will not leave me in the hard spaces. He will allow me the ability to move my past away from the head of my table. I can’t even imagine what that will look like or feel like, but I do have faith that one day I will.
He will also not leave you either. He gives us hope. He gives us peace.
Happy New Year friends.
KM